Friday, January 23, 2009

Pre-Imagination

I think the reason I stopped blogging over a year ago is that I don't like posting blogs that are emo or uninspiring. And unfortunately I am often feeling emotions that leave one uninspired. Those are times when great music flows from my mind, but my thoughts are often confused and leave me lacking.

I feel tired. I am tired. Not because I had a tiring day, rather because it was one of those days where just about everything seemed to spiral outside of my control. I find myself completely unsatisfied with almost every aspect of my life. Jobless, unsure of where to go... I just want to play music, but I don't know how to just do that. I want to share my songs with the world, but I am certain the world doesn't care about any song I could write. I feel without purpose, and ultimately without worth.

I feel saddened because all I wanted to do tonight was support one of the kids in my small group at a basketball game, and I feel like I couldn't even do that right. Small turn out with half the people leaving before the game was over. With six minute quarters I don't understand why. I don't even really like basketball, but he did do a great job playing. And they won!

I played drums last Wednesday. I wasn't feeling very rhythmic. So I do not feel as though I played very well. Everything just seems off-- out of place. Maybe I am out of place? But then what is the right place?

Why is it that some everything clicks and then other days---- it all seems to fall apart?

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