This weekend is going to be a great weekend. The adult youth leaders retreat followed by winter jam (which is gonna be awesome, cause rather you like toby mac or not, you can't deny he puts on a great show.)
I am extremely cynical ever since 08 began really. I question everything. I hear things at church all the time that drive me crazy. Most days I don't even feel like a Christian. Don't misinterpret me, I love God and I believe in Him with all my heart. It's just everything else that bugs me. The people all seem to lack passion. I can see all of them doing ridiculous things, and the ones that don't all seem like idiots. Honestly I swear the only person I know who has it right is my sister, who is amazing. Anyone can look to her as an example of a real Christian.
I've always thought I wanted to do something in ministry, but now I'm not sure I can handle a life surrounded by people who are either hypocrites or crazy. What I really want to do is play music for people, I love doing it, I love music. But I lack the confidence to pursue it. I'm scared I'm the only one who will ever care about my songs. That's why I'm so indecisive about what to do next after I graduate. That's why I'm clueless. I don't know rather to play it safe, and pursue some level of ministry, or to go for what I WANT with everything inside of me. I guess I should pray about it. But lately praying seems like a chore.
I've got some work to do.
I see where you're coming from, and I think a lot of people at church DO lack passion.
ReplyDeleteIn my little experience with other Christians, it feels as though "born agains" are a lot more passionate about their walk because they've experienced a lot of life without knowing God, let alone even believing He exists. And then there's those who have been Christian their whole life, so they haven't really experienced what life is like without knowing God, let alone believing in Him.
But then there's me, who is born again and lacks any drive to become a better Christian at all. And then there's a lot of people I've met who have always believed and are very passionate. So I guess it all depends, and I just wasted a bunch of space.
Space. Not. Wasted. You have spoke true. I heard a sermon once comparing the church to the seven dwarfs. New Christians were dopey. Cause they were just excited to be there, and ignorant to the "proper way" of doing things. New born again Christians are the best.
ReplyDelete