Fits of Laughter and Wrestling Matches

What instrument will I play tonight in e3? If any. I am not on the schedule, this is true. However our bassist tonight is not coming, so the acoustic will move over there. And our drummer is an enigma. I'm not even sure if he is still our drummer. Pre synopsis says I will probably be on the drums.

Germany is like three weeks away. This is exciting! Our dramas our finally coming together, you know, once everyone shows up and we focus in-between fits of laughter and wrestling matches.

I just finished the Final test of the Final class in my AA degree. I didn't really study all that hard, but I kicked it in the balls. So a semester of cannibals, crazies, satanists, and stalkers comes to an end. Who would of believed that American History would be so interesting. Special thanks to Solar Flare without whom my head would have surely imploded.

The Slip

It kind of sucks to spend a week preparing for something only to have it fall apart at the last minute.

Sometimes I wonder why I have dreams. It's feels like trying to touch the moon.

The Other Me Hates The World

Are you ready to see past all of my lies? We're all in disguise.

Are you ready to see into my eyes? 

I'm not who I say I am.

Mockery. Secret lives. Belonging.

I would almost rather be alone at all times. If no one is close to you, no one can hurt you. juvenile thinking, I know. But even having the few people in my life I would truly consider friends sucks, because I get used to being myself, and then when they're not around, I remember people suck and are not as accepting as they are. Especially guys. I remember now why I don't have any guy friends. So quick to jump on the flawed so they look better themselves.

So I retreat into the other me, the angsty me. The hurting me. The angry me. The better me?

The only times in life I have truly felt acceptance is in God's presence. And let's be honest I've been neglectful of that lately. That makes me feel so much worst. Times like these I truly despise myself.

And God still gives me opportunities to do what I love, minister in song. More opportunities actually. And He still anoints me. He still allows His presence to show up. And it sucks because I deserve it so little. It is almost more of a curse that He would move through me.

We all need forgiveness.

The Adventures of Formerly Trained Assassins

APRIL 2009. I believe this is a good month.

In the past month. I have been to busch gardens twice. Been offered a tattoo. Fell in love with the olive garden. Failed two boyfriend applications. Danced around the drama a crazy person's drama without actually seeing the crazy and getting involved. Learned that mannequins are incredibly scary--

And I must expound upon this. Serious creep factor. It started with those old navy commercials, they gave their mannequins personalities. That is scary to begin with, then I started seeing it. At Dicks Sporting Goods the mannequins look down on you as if they are smug and superior. It is insulting. And I wanted to smack that superior look right off their face! I've seen mannequins with circles for heads, I've seen the footless. I saw a little boy with green hair. And I even saw a middle aged fat butt mannequin. They must be stopped. Apparently one person told me they talk to mannequins. So that was scary.

I'm going to germany in like a month. I am very excited. My illustrated sermon is coming together nicely. The dramas as a whole team are starting to come together, and I have an unsurpassed expectancy for this conference. I really feel that this team is an incredibly strong one. It's going to be great. God will move in a real way. A surprising way. I love that even when we expect it, we can still be surprised.

My former boss told me I have long and lanky arms. I don't believe her. Odd shaped and  scrawny is more like it.